Are you sapiosexual too ?

I am no Zombie, but let me confess – I Love Brains. I am a sapiosexual. I admit to being attracted to a cute face, or a sexy body, or a winning smile. But those things simply catch my eye. For someone to keep my attention requires the ability to uphold their side of a conversation.

I was talking to my friend today about the guy I’m into. And then realised, that it has almost been a trend now. I realised that I needed a man with good brains more than good looks.

It goes like this :

Me? I don’t care too much about the looks. I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay. I want someone who sometimes makes me go ouch due to their wit and evil sense of humor. I want someone that I can reach out and touch randomly. I want someone I can cuddle with. I decided this all means that I am sapiosexual. – Wolfieboy.

Sapiosexual is “a behavior of becoming attracted to or aroused by intelligence and its use.” (By the way, the word sapiosexual is a neologism.)

Maybe this is why; I’ve had difficulties in my previous relationships, because eventually I’d find out that he was not as smart as I thought he was. I realised, while most girls my age want a man who is charming, well- spoken, romantic, good looking and then add “Well of course he must be smart” at the end, that is where I am different, otherwise the rest is pretty much the same. I am drawn in by the sight of intelligence, and then everything else follows. 

However, being sapiosexual can be challenging and lonely. Let me explain.  I’m out on a date.  The guy is talking and is obviously trying to engage me in some sort of (what he thinks is) “intellectual” and “funny” conversation as he knows that is what I am attracted to.  He’s totally over-doing it, and on top of that, he’s not as smart as he thinks he is.  My mind starts to wander.  I start thinking about what my friends must be up to or how the food or the table has been cooked or about another guy, and how turned on I am by his mind as well as his conversation.  Then I start thinking about how handsome he is and how much we laugh together, the jokes we crack on others and each other.  I am then interrupted by Mr. Non-Geeky.  Being the polite woman my mama raised me to be, I give him a bright smile and answer, “Oh, yes. I know i know. Listen, I have an important conference call I need to be on…” I set up my escape, and then I am out of there, free to whatsapp, call or text Mr. Smarty Pants who’s been running through my mind for the past half of an hour. Sigh

For the record, I am definitely attracted to charming, good looking, funny, caring and romantic guys. But an intelligent guy with any of the above I’m in-love with. So, I admit it…I am definitely a sapiosexual AND sapiosexy chick!

Some friends call me an intellectual snob, but I disagree. Before getting into a relationship, I need to be able to talk to him. I want nothing with a guy who is dumb. Find me a guy that can talk to me about his dreams and goals, politics, God, or about his favourite cricket or football team- even if they're not my favourite teams, find me a guy who talks to me about cars or bikes or technology though I know nothing about them, find me a guy that will beat me at coming up with the most funniest sarcastic comments (without being mean or hurtful) and I am happy.

Say Hello to College ...

It’s that time in June when, like every year, the admission process is complete and all of you are anxious about the first day of college. I remember just a short time ago, when I too was purchasing the last few items on my list and anxiously awaiting my first day of college. The college of my dreams. And so, here is a letter with a little advice and a lot of love for all those college freshman twiddling their thumbs and twirling their hair and wondering what’s in store.

Dearest FYJC Students,

Welcome. College, my friend, will be the most beautiful, amazing, and life-shaping experience that you have yet encountered.

On your move-in day, you’ll feel overwhelmed. Whether you’re going to a huge college, a tiny college, or an in-betweener. The campus will feel like you’re never going to learn your way around, the college culture will feel foreign, and the students will feel like strangers. Don’t lose your marbles.

You will know your campus like the back of your hand in a short time. The college’s culture will become as much a part of you as the fingers on your hands or the toes on your feet. And the people–the strangers–they’ll become your best friends. Not best friends like “oh, BFF,” but real best friends. Like laugh so hard you cry and cry so hard you laugh and turn to them with anything and everything all day or night best friends.

However, knowing the campus and the culture and the beautiful people doesn’t come without a price. You have to stretch yourself. I mean reallllly stretch yourself. You can’t just take a step outside of your comfort zone, you have to take a leap. A running leap. Like you’re competing in the long jump.

When I arrived on campus on the first day of college, I was ridiculously excited, but more than that I was insanely scared. So as a first year student, I decided that, I was going to make friends. And they were going to be fantastic friends who treated me well. And make friends I did. But it was not by accident, not all were.

I took part in every event organised by college, talked to people I never knew, maintained friendships ...  and the list goes on.

It was an amazing little life that I had created on my campus for myself. I was involved, really involved, in many different groups and organizations on campus. “Plugged in”. And I had friends, In my classes and in the clubs that I was a part of. And I was truly proud of myself. Because I didn't sit back and watch my first year go by and wonder what could’ve been.

I lived a life I loved by choice.

So to you I say–jump in! You’re not the child you were in school. You get to make decisions about friendships and activities based on the type of people you want to be around and what you care about. It’s no longer about doing things so “it’ll look good for college.” Choose to do what you love with people you love. And don’t settle for less.

You joined a club that you’re passionate about, but the people aren’t rocking your socks off? Join another one. Talk to the person next to you in class. Be the first to ask your classmate to lunch.

The friends you make in first year will stick around for life. At least mine did. It’s been four years now, I’m not even in the same college anymore. But we’re in touch. I Love them, and I know they love me.

                                         

And academics ??  Ya, I know that’s the “reason” you’re in college. To study and learn and get a degree. That’ll all come. You know what it takes to get the grade you want–do it. You know how long you need to study for your exams–so take time to study.

But above all, know that when you leave your college after two or maybe 5 swift years, it’s not going to be the campus or the classes that you really miss; it’s going to be the people. It’s all about the people. (And PS–you’ll learn much more from your relationships than your classes anyway. haha )

So throw yourself out there. Take a deep breath, exhale and stand tall. You’re meant to be exactly where you are. It’s up to you to make it the experience you want. Choose to live a life that you love.

No matter what crazy-difficult classes or heart-wrenching breakups you go through in your 5 years, it’s going to be the people who carry you through. 

I am so excited for you. I might not even know you. It doesn’t matter. I’m thrilled for you! Rock out your first year, because you’ll never get another one. And first year is the awesome dot com. Seriously, my favorite year of life to date.

Good luck and remember: This is only the beginning.

                                          

This world - A Happy Place :)

  
No matter how bad your day is, there is always something good that comes out of it, No matter how big or small !! Everyday may not be good ... But there is always something good in everyday.

Each and every single one of you is beautiful, whether your know it or not. You all have things about you that make you, you. Embrace these things because they’re a part of you, don’t try and hide them! If people can’t appreciate that, then they’re not worth your time. No one is perfect in my mind, so don’t stress about trying to be perfect - because it’ll never happen, and you’ll never be happy trying to be someone else.


YOU ARE MORE !!!
You are so much more than you, or anyone else thinks of you. You are more than your weight, height, body type, size of your jeans, intelligence, appearance, and so on. You’re more important than you think you are, you’re more beautiful, smarter, braver, stronger… You’re way better than you think. Whether it’s for others, or ourselves. I know how it feels to feel like you’re never going to be up to someones standards, that no matter how hard you try its not enough, no matter how hard you try to be perfect - that you’re never quite there… Just not enough. But you know what I believe? You are good enough. And if someone can’t, or refuses to see that, then they’re not worth your time.


One of the biggest mistakes in life, is living it for someone else. You only have one life, one chance to do it right. Do you really want to live it with regrets?
Stop living it for your parents, or your friends. Now is the time to do what you want to do with it. You may not know what you want yet, you may not know who you are, either. Now is your time to figure that out. Make mistakes, make good choices, but most importantly, make it yours.

Sometimes we all feel lost. Like we’re in a never ending maze… The ones with bizarre mirrors, that distort your appearance. We get lost, and we lose ourselves. We lose ourselves in false appearances, lies, and anything imaginable. We get lost.  

There’s a saying “Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself.”

But sometimes we need to find ourselves, in order to be able to create ourselves. And that can be one of the hardest challenges we face. When we were younger, we were always told to just be ourselves… Which was weird, because how could we be anyone else? Then we got older, and finally clued in to the whole thing. 

Life is like a road trip. We have many stops along the way, we get lost sometimes, and then end up in places we never thought we would, we end up in places that we never even knew existed. People help us along the way, and sometimes we get stuck. Sometimes we are so lost, it feels like there is no way out. A dead end. 

Everyone gets lost. Confused. Scared. But that’s just a pit stop. 

But you know what? Sometimes it’s not the destination. It’s the way we got there… And it’s not where we’re heading that is important, it’s how we got there. Because how we got there is this little thing called life.

Everyone has secrets. Things that they keep close to them. Things that they’re ashamed of. Things they want to forget. What you see on the outside is almost never exactly what is on the inside. So before you assume you know what someone is going through, before you assume you know someone. Think. Because you never know someones story truly. You can never really know the battles they've fought, or the things they’re struggling with. So don't judge if you don't want to be judged.

This world is a happy place. It has given us millions of reasons to live. So live, and let live. And remember Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.